Thanks for the Feedback: 8 key ideas
The core ideas of Thanks for the Feedback, each in under a minute, written in our own words. Want the full depth? Get the book.
- IDEA 1 OF 8
Receiving feedback is a skill
Stone and Heen argue that most advice focuses on giving feedback, but the real challenge is receiving it.
Learning to receive feedback well can transform careers and relationships. In their view, since we learn mostly from others' comments, being open to them is a skill worth practising.
- IDEA 2 OF 8
Feedback triggers reactions
The authors describe three triggers that make feedback hard to hear: truth triggers, when feedback seems wrong; relationship triggers, when we react to who is giving it; and identity triggers, when feedback threatens our sense of self.
- IDEA 3 OF 8
Feedback has three types
The authors distinguish appreciation, which shows recognition; coaching, which helps improve; and evaluation, which ranks performance.
Confusing them causes problems. In their view, a person who wants encouragement but receives a rating may feel hurt, so it helps to know which kind is being given.
- IDEA 4 OF 8
Look for what's right
When feedback seems wrong, the authors suggest looking for what might be right in it.
Even imperfect feedback can contain truth. In their view, instead of rejecting a comment at once, asking what part of it might be useful helps us to learn.
- IDEA 5 OF 8
We have blind spots
The authors explain that others can see things about us that we cannot.
Feedback reveals blind spots. In their view, we cannot easily see our own habits or how we come across, so others' comments can show what we miss.
- IDEA 6 OF 8
Don't switch the topic
The authors describe switchtracking, when people change the subject to the giver's faults.
Separating topics helps. In their view, a person who answers feedback by pointing out the giver's mistakes avoids the real issue, so each issue should be treated separately.
- IDEA 7 OF 8
Protect your identity
The authors suggest developing a growth identity, seeing yourself as able to learn.
This makes feedback less threatening. In their view, someone who sees themselves as a person who can learn takes criticism less personally, and grows more from it.
- IDEA 8 OF 8
Set boundaries when needed
The authors explain that you can decline some feedback or set limits.
Not all feedback must be accepted. In their view, a person may choose which comments to use, and may politely say no to feedback that is not useful.
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