Douglas Stone

Thanks for the Feedback

1. IDEA 1

   Receiving feedback is a skill

   Stone and Heen argue that most advice focuses on giving feedback, but the real challenge is receiving it. Learning to receive feedback well can transform careers and relationships. In their view, since we learn mostly from others' comments, being open to them is a skill worth practising.

2. IDEA 2

   Feedback triggers reactions

   The authors describe three triggers that make feedback hard to hear: truth triggers, when feedback seems wrong; relationship triggers, when we react to who is giving it; and identity triggers, when feedback threatens our sense of self.

3. IDEA 3

   Feedback has three types

   The authors distinguish appreciation, which shows recognition; coaching, which helps improve; and evaluation, which ranks performance. Confusing them causes problems. In their view, a person who wants encouragement but receives a rating may feel hurt, so it helps to know which kind is being given.

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