The Confidence Gap: 8 key ideas
The core ideas of The Confidence Gap, each in under a minute, written in our own words. Want the full depth? Get the book.
- IDEA 1 OF 8
Confidence feelings come after action
Harris, a therapist using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, argues that people often wait to feel confident before acting.
He suggests the reverse: take actions of confidence first, and the feelings of confidence come later.
- IDEA 2 OF 8
Fear is normal in growth
Harris explains that fear appears whenever we step outside our comfort zone.
Instead of trying to get rid of fear, we can learn to act alongside it. Harris presents this as a normal part of trying anything new.
- IDEA 3 OF 8
The confidence gap holds people back
Harris describes the confidence gap as the space between where we are and where we want to be.
People often stay stuck because they wait for fear to disappear. Harris suggests that waiting for fear to go away can keep us stuck for years.
- IDEA 4 OF 8
Defuse from unhelpful thoughts
Harris suggests defusion, stepping back from negative thoughts like I'm not good enough.
Seeing them as words rather than truths reduces their power. Harris suggests that when we notice a thought instead of obeying it, it loses some of its grip.
- IDEA 5 OF 8
Make room for discomfort
Harris recommends expansion, allowing uncomfortable feelings to be present without fighting them.
This frees energy for action. Harris suggests that fighting a feeling often makes it stronger, so allowing it can leave us freer to act.
- IDEA 6 OF 8
Values give direction
Harris encourages identifying personal values, what truly matters to you.
Values guide action even when confidence is low. Harris suggests that acting in line with what you care about can bring a sense of purpose even when you feel unsure.
- IDEA 7 OF 8
Practice builds skill
Harris describes a confidence cycle: practise skills, apply them, assess results and adjust.
Over time, competence and confidence grow. Harris suggests that confidence is built by doing, not by waiting until we feel ready to begin.
- IDEA 8 OF 8
Accept yourself
Harris argues that self-acceptance, rather than self-criticism, supports growth.
Kindness to oneself helps people keep trying. Harris suggests that treating ourselves with patience, as we would treat a good friend, makes it easier to try again.
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