How to Be an Adult in Relationships: 8 key ideas
The core ideas of How to Be an Adult in Relationships, each in under a minute, written in our own words. Want the full depth? Get the book.
- IDEA 1 OF 8
Mature love needs five A's
Richo argues that healthy adult relationships depend on giving and receiving five A's: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing.
These are the same needs children have from parents, and adults continue to need them from partners.
- IDEA 2 OF 8
Attention means listening fully
Richo explains attention as being fully present with another person, listening without distraction.
Feeling heard is a basic need. Richo suggests that giving someone our full attention tells them clearly that they matter to us.
- IDEA 3 OF 8
Acceptance means seeing truly
Acceptance means accepting a partner as they are, without trying to change them.
Richo sees it as a gift. Richo suggests that feeling accepted allows a person to relax and grow rather than defend themselves.
- IDEA 4 OF 8
Appreciation values the person
Appreciation means valuing a partner's qualities and efforts.
Expressing appreciation strengthens bonds. Richo suggests that saying thank you and noticing what a partner does well makes both people feel valued and secure.
- IDEA 5 OF 8
Affection shows care
Affection includes warmth, touch and closeness.
Richo argues it nourishes relationships. Richo suggests that small gestures of warmth show a partner that they are cared for and help them feel safe.
- IDEA 6 OF 8
Allowing respects freedom
Allowing means giving a partner freedom to be themselves and make choices.
Love does not control. Richo suggests that trusting a partner to choose for themselves is a sign of respect and also of real love.
- IDEA 7 OF 8
Mindfulness supports love
Richo draws on mindfulness to help people notice their reactions in relationships.
Awareness allows calmer responses. Richo suggests that noticing our feelings before we act helps us avoid hurting people we love without meaning to.
- IDEA 8 OF 8
Ego must be softened
Richo argues that letting go of ego, the need to be right or in control, helps love grow.
Maturity means humility. Richo presents this humility as a sign of growing up in love.
Get one idea like this every daySwipe through ideas, go deeper on any of them, and save the ones that matter. Free.
Read How to Be an Adult in Relationships in the app