John Gottman

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

1. IDEA 1

   Research reveals what keeps couples together

   Gottman, a psychologist who studied couples for decades in his so-called Love Lab, argues that he can often predict which marriages will last. His principles come from observing how couples talk and behave.

2. IDEA 2

   Four behaviours predict trouble

   Gottman identifies four harmful patterns he calls the Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Contempt, in his research, is especially damaging. In his research, couples who showed these patterns often were more likely to face lasting trouble.

3. IDEA 3

   Know your partner's world

   Gottman describes love maps, detailed knowledge of a partner's life, worries and hopes. Couples who keep updating them stay closer. In his account, knowing small facts about each other makes a couple feel known and valued.

All 8 ideas from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work →