Sue Johnson

Hold Me Tight

1. IDEA 1

   Love is an attachment bond

   Johnson, who developed Emotionally Focused Therapy, argues that romantic love is an attachment bond, like the bond between parent and child. Partners need to feel emotionally safe and connected with each other.

2. IDEA 2

   Couples fall into demon dialogues

   Johnson describes demon dialogues, negative patterns couples fall into when they feel disconnected. These patterns make conflict worse. Johnson explains that both partners are usually hurting underneath, even when they seem to be fighting about small things.

3. IDEA 3

   Blaming creates distance

   In the find the bad guy pattern, partners blame each other. This creates distance and hurt. Johnson explains that when each person tries to prove the other wrong, both end up feeling more alone.

All 8 ideas from Hold Me Tight →