Author

Gretchen Rubin

24 key ideas across 3 books, each explained in our own words.

Better Than Before

IDEA 1
Habits save us from deciding
Rubin argues habits matter because they remove the need for decisions. Once something is a habit, you do it without debating with yourself, freeing willpower for other things. The challenge is knowing which methods suit you.
IDEA 2
Know yourself before changing habits
There is no single right way to build habits, Rubin says. Some people are larks, others owls; some like big changes, others small steps. Understanding your own nature, including your Tendency, comes before choosing a strategy.
IDEA 3
Abstainers and Moderators need different rules
Rubin notices that some people, abstainers, find it easier to give up a temptation completely, while moderators do better with a little. Knowing which you are can end a lot of internal struggle.

IDEA 1
Expectations come from outside and inside
Rubin sorts people by how they respond to expectations. Outer expectations come from others, like a work deadline; inner expectations come from ourselves, like a resolution. Our reactions to each define our Tendency.
IDEA 2
Upholders meet both kinds
Upholders readily meet both outer and inner expectations. They are self-directed, dependable and like knowing the rules, but Rubin notes they can become rigid and uneasy when rules are unclear or plans suddenly change.
IDEA 3
Questioners need good reasons
Questioners resist any expectation that does not make sense to them, turning outer ones into inner ones after weighing reasons. Rubin says they need justification to act, and can fall into over-analysis.

IDEA 1
Happiness can be worked on
Rubin realised she was not as happy as she could be, despite a good life. She decided to spend a year testing ideas about happiness on herself, treating it as a practical project rather than waiting for it to arrive.
IDEA 2
One theme for each month
Rubin divided the year into twelve themes, such as energy, marriage, work, friendship and money. Each month she made a few concrete resolutions, keeping earlier ones going as she added new themes.
IDEA 3
Write your own personal commandments
She wrote Twelve Personal Commandments to guide herself, the first being to be Gretchen, meaning to accept her own nature rather than copy others. Rubin encourages readers to write their own rules from their values.

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